Further Film Reviews: Last of Two Parts
British comedy star Peter Sellers can’t avoid spotlight
More Brit Wit: I-Z
By Jamie Jobb
To complete our previous list, here are twenty more British comedies:
I'm All Right, Jack (1959)The Impostors (1998)The Knack...and How to Get It (1965)Lucky Jim (1957)Make Mine Mink (1960)Morgan! - A Suitable Case for Treatment (1966)The Missionary (1982)Naked Truth (1957)Only Two Can Play (1962)A Private Function (1984)The Ruling Class (1972)Storm in a Teacup (1937)Stand Easy: The Goon Show Movie (1952)School for Scoundrels or How to Win Without Actually Cheating (1960)Singleton's Pluck (1984)The Tall Guy (1990)The Wrong Arm of the Law (1962)The Wrong Box (1966)Whoops Apocalypse (1986)Water (1987)
Ian Carmichael is fish-out-of-water in post-war labor strife
I'm All Right, Jack (1959)
"To each according to his needs. From each as little as he can get away with. And no overtime, except on Sundays at double the rate." Priggish Oxford grad Stanley Windrush (Ian Carmichael) can't land post-war management job so he opts to join working class upon prodding from Uncle Bertram Tracepurcel (Dennis Price) and old school chum Sidney de Vere Cox (Richard Attenborough), pair of plotting Cold War industrialists who exhort subordinate countrymen to "export or die".
Joining them to face challenge of "commercial intercourse with foreigners" is Mr. Mohammed (Marne Maitland). "Between simple businessmen, Mr. Mohammed, even peace is divisible."
Standing firm against this capitalist tide is Missiles, Ltd. shop-steward Fred Kite (Peter Sellers) and personnel manager Major Hitchcock (Terry-Thomas) who comprehend the worker mind. "We got chaps here who can break out into a muck-sweat merely by standing still." Taking a shine to the Major is Kite’s sister Cynthia (lusty Liz Fraser).
Meanwhile Mrs. Kite (Irene Handl) manages her own walkout. "From what I can see the only time you ever jolly well do any work is when you're on strike." Windrush becomes "Odd Man In" after BBC puts him "in the picture" to "disturb the industrial peace".
Directed by John Boulting; screenplay by Boulting, Frank Harvey and Alan Hackney, based on Hackney's novel. Wisecracker cast simmers complex satiric stew of Modern Times, Morgan, The Efficiency Expert and Mr. Deeds Goes to Town. "It's quite unthinkable that a gentleman should go on strike. I mean officers don't mutiny, do they?" (British)
* * *
Stanley Tucci gets an alfresco ear-full from Oliver Pratt
The Impostors (1998)
"Fellas, we're on a tickin' ship and she's gonna blow at midnight!" Dynamic duo of hungry hard-luck actors are hardly "two thespian thugs" as depicted by New York's Daily News. Thinly verbose Arthur (Stanley Tucci) dreams of Paris or The West End, or at least one great Broadway tragedy. "You stole my death!"
Excessively impulsive Maurice (Oliver Pratt) is "slightly claustrophobic" -- if not "really, really confused". So Arthur wants to know: "Do you have a preference who dies first?" After all, it's the Depression and they realize "We're going to die if we don't get work."
“Don’t kid a kidder, kid.” Lush Shakespearean Sir Jeremy Burtom (Alfred Molina) may be "victimized" and "beyond brilliant". But he's all ham, no Hamlet. “I’m too fucking good to have a film career.” Lost somewhere at sea aboard luxury-liner S.S. Inter-Continental, these players find themselves cruising their own ship of fools. "I'm innocent. I'm not a thespian thug. I'm a good man."
“I’d tip you, but at the moment, I’m clothing rich and money poor.” Written and directed by Tucci, this screwball sendup slips on Tucci’s own slap-shtick. Pratt falls for it as well. “May I say that your rudeness to this hard-working gentleman is uncalled for.” Very funny premise is not fully realized, squandering gifted cast including secret agent-first mate Voltri (Tony Shalhoub), veiled-and-deposed Queen (Isabella Rossellini), head stewardess-social director Lily (Lili Taylor), jilted crooner Happy Franks (Steve Buscemi) and castoff Nazi steward Meistrich (Campbell Scott). Also missing are loony montage tunes of Tango and "The Nearness of You". "In my country we kill the insane." (British)
* * *
bobby locker-room shower envies street scene of Rory McBride
The Knack...and How to Get It (1965)
"It's not like that. It's an exaggeration. He has just got a certain success with the ladies, that's all."Four young lovers share same art nouveau house of bed-sitters in 60s London. "I mean I'm broad-minded, but a bed's place is definitely in the home. Definitely."
Dapper Tolen (Ray Brooks) cages "real flash birds dressed in all manner of rousing gear" and understands he has The Knack with women. "After being with me, a girl doesn't feel like clambering over furniture."
Lanky eager apprentice Colin (Michael Crawford) longs to have Tolen's skill and seeks instruction. "Cheese, egg, milk, meat, skirt...is that it?" "What?" "How you do it?" "Skirt IS meat!"
Awkward newcomer Nancy (Rita Tushingham) fears men but makes big soulful eyes for them both. "Innocent eyes of blue, what her legs are walking her into." And "secret painter" Tom (Donal Donnelly) "can't bear brown" so he must cover it up. “Just think of what you could do with a real whip.”
All stand in awe of mythic lover Rory McBride who fills Royal Albert Hall with attendant admirers. “Rape!” “Not today, thank you.”
“I shall never be able to trust myself with a woman again.” Directed by Richard Lester, screenplay by Charles Wood based on play by Ann Jellicoe. Absurdist one-liner cine-verite full of sight gags and"kiss of life". "We're, all of us, more or less sexual failures." (British)
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Ian Carmichael confronts wannabe novelist Terry-Thomas in tub
Lucky Jim (1957)
Tomfoolery thrives like ivy on beleaguered walls of Merry England's Redbrick University whose motto rings false: "Real joy is a serious matter".
Bumbling junior history lecturer James “Lucky Jim” Dixon (Ian Carmichael) finds himself butting horns of dilemma with his boss, absent-minded senior history Professor Welch (Hugh Griffith) whose stuffy wannabe novelist son Bertrand (Terry-Thomas) longs for hand of meek-yet-lovely ingenue Christine Callaghan (Sharon Acker) with whom Lucky Jim is smitten. “This is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.”
Young Christine feels: "It's so difficult if you don't want to be seduced!" -- a sentiment not shared by Jim's would-be fiance, anxious Margaret Peel (Maureen Connell), a perpetual victim and fellow lecturer who once tried suicide and failed.
With "no manners, no breeding", Jim hears his small world mock: "You don't seem to have much luck, Dixon". Ah, but does he have much Puck!?!
Directed by John Boulting. Screenplay by Patrick Campbell and Jeffrey Dell, based on Kingley Amis' novel. (British)
Terry-Thomas deep in the drink
Make Mine Mink (1960)
“I have sometimes detected slight scraping noises, particularly when I was parking.” Unlikely "gang"of thrill-seeking Kensington high-rise misfits steals mink coats and gives proceeds to charity. Daft Dame Beatrice Appleby (Athene Seyler), absent-minded Pinky (Elspeth Duxbury), butch Nanette Parry (Hattie Jacques) and stuffy Major Albert Rayne (Terry-Thomas) get bright idea when maid rescues discarded mink stole off neighbor's balcony – a plot-trigger similar to the American screwball comedy “Easy Living”.
“I can’t promise to bring my license. I haven’t seen it in years.” Amazed to discover their crimes, maid (ex-convict herself) says: "I've known experts who've studied it all...fingerprints, dogs, burglar alarms. Keys, locks, telephones. Habits, hobbies, holidays. Who's courting who, who's sleeping where...And even they get caught. What chance do you think you've got?"
“I thought you were in the Mobile Bath Unit.” Directed by Robert Asher; screenplay by Michael Pertwee, based on play by Peter Coke. “You talk as if she were a horse instead of an ass.” (British)
* * *
David Warner hangs by a thread after his untimely divorce
Morgan! - A Suitable Case for Treatment(1966)
"I've been born into the wrong species, Wally. That's what it is. If I'd been planted into the womb of a chimpanzee, none of this would ever have happened." Chest-beating schizophrenic Marxist artist Morgan Delt (David Warner) comes unhitched from wealthy Kensington wife Leonie (Vanessa Redgrave), but cannot accept divorce because "she refuses to de-stabilize".
Morgan imagines Leonie as Jane rescued on a rope by his Tarzan. Now engaged to modern art merchant Charles Napier (Robert Stephens), Leonie does have her second thoughts, however. "You don't know Leonie. She married me to achieve insecurity and you're trying to take it away from her."
Morgan's worker waitress Mum (Irene Handl) considers her son a "class traitor" and leads annual pilgrimage to High Gate tomb of Karl Marx to remind Morgan of his Red roots: "He wanted to shoot the Royal Family, abolish marriage and put everybody who'd been to public school in a chain gang. Yeah, he was an idealist, your Dad was."
Pro wrestler Wally "The Gorilla" Carver (Arthur Mullard) helps Morgan shanghai love because "crime puts the human element back". But Morgan's ultimate fantasy is King Kong. "You can't count on me being civilized, I've lost the thread." Directed by Karel Reisz, screenplay by David Mercer, based on his play. "Nothing in this world seems to live up to my best fantasies, except you." (British)
* * *
Michael Palin, it seems, has a lot of repenting to do
The Missionary (1982)
"First you tell me you're looking after lady tramps. Then you tell me you've turned down the first real offer of money that we've ever had. We're never going to get married!" After decade of colonial African missionary work, Charles Fortescue (Michael Palin) returns with "fertility object" to new life in Edwardian England.
Waiting for him ten years, four months, eighteen days and twenty-five minutes is his betrothed, Deborah Fitzbanks (Phoebe Nicholls). But Bishop (Denholm Elliott) has another calling in mind. "We're strong on drunkards, we've had a fair crack at homelessness, but as far as prostitution goes we're not even out of the changing room."
Helping Fortescue establish Church of England's first Mission for Fallen Women in London's Dockland is Lady Isabelle Ames (Maggie Smith). "After all, it's not every day we have missionaries in this part of Wiltshire."
She's not only Lady who trusts God's Word: "Love One Another, that's what He says, innit. So that's what I do." Particularly ridiculous is Slatterswaite the Butler (Michael Hordern) who's "lost bearings temporarily, in the West Wing."
Directed by Richard Loncraine, written by Palin, this period piece recalls early Ealing satires. "I think when one's dying, one does tend to become forgetful." "He's never done it before." (British)
* * *
romance novelist Peggy Mount is victim of blackmail plot
Naked Truth (1957)
"I've always considered murder to be very un-English. I mean one's got to draw the line somewhere, hasn't one." From Thames houseboat in Battersea shadow, tabloid muck-spinner Nigel Dennis (Dennis Price) has blackmailed 300 prominent Londoners with same threat: "Pay up in a fortnight, or I publish in a month."
Foremost among his victims are insurance chief-philanthropist Lord Henry Mayley (Terry-Thomas), romance novelist Flora Ransom (Peggy Mount), and quick-change tv emcee Wee Sonny MacGregor (Peter Sellers). But Lord Mayley can't hide anything from Lady Mayley (Georgina Cookson), including his alleged "amorous incident in Regents Park". Mrs. Ransom has trouble with alcohol and convoluted plots. "Getting rid of people seems to be a hobby of yours."
And Wee Sonny gets lost in his many disguises. "He's one of those plain-clothes brutes disguised as an ordinary policeman." Very funny noir intrigue skewers barges and blimps, Irish bombs and Mickey Finns. "Half way down I realized that was not the way out."
Hilarious in support are daughter Ethel Ransom (Joan Sims): "No, never. Mumsey is totally tee-total.", and model Melissa Right (Shirley Eaton): "If you've got wet rot on the top that means you've got dry rot on the bottom." Directed by Mario Zampi, written by Michael Pertwee; also known as Your Past Is Showing. "Come along now, we can't leave him in there or he'll suffocate before we drown him. And that would never do." (British)
* * *
uncredited Marie Devereux ready to serve in Wimbledon whites
Only Two Can Play (1962)
"In the old days the seven-year itch was something you scratched, not landed up in the divorce courts with." Small-town Welsh librarian and drama critic "Honest John" Lewis (Peter Sellers) suffers "domestic bliss on the white-collar level" with wife Jean (Virginia Maskell) and two children in "quaint little" three-room half-bath flat ruled by Mickey Mouse alarm clock and faded stag wallpaper. “You are not fit to have charge of children the way you carry on, Mr. Lewis.”
John believes "some of us need more than the normal outlet for our creative urges". Sensing this urge is sporty, trysting Elizabeth Griffith-Williams (Mai Zetterling), wife of library committee chair and keeper of keys to advancement in Aberdarcy. "Supply and demand, you know.” “We could supply the demand if you'd let us."
“What would be your attitude if a member of the opposite sex came into the library and asked for Lady Chatterley’s Lover?” Further complicating these affairs is town bard Gareth Probert (Richard Attenborough) who is "thinking of translating Kafka into Welsh" while mixing metaphors with an old flame. “If I was going out for the night, I’d be pointing the other way.”
“The Pygmies have the same problem.” Directed by Sidney Gilliat; screenplay by Bryan Forbes, based on novel by Kingsley Amis. "The best man can't always win." (British)
* * *
piano teacher Maggie Smith thinks hubby Michael Palin can’t get the juice
A Private Function (1984)
"My experience has been ... when people say they're 'only human' it is because they have been making beasts of themselves." Post-World War II England still grapples with rations and "fair shares for all".
But some shares are more "fair" than others, particularly when it comes to Betty, "an unlicensed pig"destined to satiate 150 diners at bucolic Yorkshire royal wedding banquet.
Clueless chiropodist Gilbert Chilvers (Michael Palin) is "foot fella" for "the long-suffering British housewife". Although he smells "a bit rustic", Gilbert has bright ideas for dinner chat: "Mrs. Roach's ingrown toenail seems to have turned the corner."
His mother-in-law (Liz Smith) certainly can "smell a smell"; and his brow-beating social-climbing piano-teacher wife Joyce (Maggie Smith) wants "a future that will live up to my past" but knows she's got "a husband who can't get the juice".
Joyce clearly understands: "It's not just steak, Gilbert. It's status!" While painting bogus meat green and stamping it "unfit for human consumption", single-minded inspector Wormold (Bill Paterson) is "a law unto himself" who doesn't really enjoy food. "I have no sense of taste, no sense of smell. I had German measles as a child."
Back-stabbing black-market family butcher Douglas Nuttal (Pete Postlethwaite) doesn't care who goes to prison "as long as it keeps Wormold off my back."
When it comes to living high-on-the-hog, arrogant Dr. Swaby (Denholm Elliott) drives hard bargain, not to mention white Rolls Royce. "Women's feet! Good God, man. Taking the bread out of my mouth!"
Directed by Malcolm Mowbray, written by Alan Bennett whose excellent script thrives on spam, ginger nuts and car polish to recall best of Ealing comedies. "It's not just pork, Gilbert. It's power."(British)
* * *
artistic Harry Andrews snugs the knot that kicked the bucket
The Ruling Class (1972)
"Do you still believe you're Christ, my Lord?" When Thirteenth Earl of Gurney, Ralph Douglas Christopher Alexander (Harry Andrews) mysteriously kicks bucket in long-johns, cocked hat and tutu, his family slanders him "always rather artistic".
When Fourteenth Earl Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney (astonishing Peter O'Toole) inherits Ralph's house-title-and-manor, his family believes him bonkers, and not Jesus Christ as he claims.
Nor do they call him "The Creator, Ruler of the Universe, Khoda, The One Supreme Being and Infinite Personal Being, Yaweh, Shangri-Ti and El, the First Immovable Mover". Hell no!
"When I pray to Him, I find I'm talking to myself." Eventually Jack of Earl learns lingo as Jack of Ripper: "Dignity has nothing to do with divinity." "Breeding speaks to breeding." And "It's hard to look at people downwind, they stink."
Of course Duke's uncle Sir Charles Gurney (William Mervyn) knows "sniggering" when he hears it, while aunt Lady Claire (Carol Browne) "has claws" and is "always on the lookout for men".
Cousin Dinsdale (James Villiers) is "prospective Parliamentary candidate for the Division, and I have to watch my step with 'em." This would not include Bishop "Bertie" Lampton (brilliantly befuddled Alastair Sim) who knows no leap of faith so profound as marriage of Earl Jack and Miss Grace Shelly aka Marguerite Gautier, The Lady of the Camellias (Carolyn Seymour).
Grace is "hard-working girl" who "always gets first-night nerves" but can "cock my little finger with the best". That said, Dr. Paul Herder (Michael Bryant) "should have specialized in heart diseases"; instead he introduces Dr. McKyle (Nigel Green) "The high voltage messiah, the electric Christ, the AC/DC God".
Sparks fly. Combative butler Daniel Tucker aka Alexi Kronstadt, Party Member 243 (terrific Arthur Lowe) convinces Scotland Yard he's "not only mad, he's Bolshie!" Commonwealth, indeed!
Directed by Peter Medak; screenplay by Peter Barnes, based on his play. Medak's "fly-blown speck in the North Sea" farce forces macabre ending but is heavily dosed with "Watusi walking stick", Mighty Mouse Is Roaring, The Hokey-Cokey, Varsity Rag and Dem Bones. "I was only trying to do what's expected. I recall it a sign of normalcy in our circle to slaughter anything that moves." (British)
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Vivian Leigh arrives in Baikie a little bit late after finishing school
Storm in a Teacup (1937)
"Did you ever know a decent sort of chap who could tell you straight off what sort of decent chap he was?" Neophyte reporter Frank Burdon (Rex Harrison) arrives in west coastal Scotland town of Baikie to discover both good news and bad.
Bad News: "Scottish Candidate Barked Down" in "Scandalous Incident Over A Dog" all of which earns Frank reputation as "self-seeking little rotter".
Good News: lovely Victoria Gow (Vivian Leigh) who's just "finished being finished" in Paris finishing school. Victoria was "a little bit late" with her "fore!", while Frank was "a little bit early" with his "ouch!".
Unfortunately, her dictatorial father, Provost William Gow (Cecil Parker), is "a firm hand at the helm" who's just got to plot his planetary political plans. "If I pull this off, the time may come when I shall be listened to by the whole world!"
While Baikie Advertiser editor Horace Skirving (Gus McNaughton) believes "nothing sensational ever enters my columns", his wife Lisbert (Ursula Jeans) certainly has undercover pull with Gow. "That's pig-headedness and there's nothing new about pig-headedness. It's as old as the pigs."
“Up to his shoulders, he’s a type of Sheep Dog. But he’s got the muzzle of a Setter and the ears of a Cocker Spaniel. And he’s a wise look on him like an Irish Terrier. And a plume of a tail like a Pomeranian. And he’s got the sad, noble eyes of a Poodle. In fact, he’s not so much dog as an epitome of all the dogs that ever ran round this world on four legs.” Then there's Honoria Hegarty (terrifically outlandish Sara Allgood) whose mutt Patsy faces gallows because she "persistently defied the Law in the matter of her dog tags". Says who? "Says you!" “Oh yeah!?!”
“The rowdies are out of hand!” Early "Scottish-and-soda" gem helped lay groundwork for proud history of British satire. Directed by Victor Saville and Ian Dalrymple; screenplay by Dalrymple and Donald Bull based on play by Bruno Frank and James Bridie. "The people of this country are the most long-suffering on God's earth. They'll put up with humbug, hypocrisy, shilly-shallying and hardship ... But two things they will not stand: bullying and cruelty." (British)
* * *
Goons Sellers, Milligan, Bentine and Secombe humor Carole Carn
Stand Easy: The Goon Show Movie (1952)
"Fearfully Secret Spies – Please Knock".Only feature film by The Goons,precursor to BBC blockbuster Monty Python's Flying Circus.
Grocers assistant, town thespian and amateur sleuth Harry Jones (Harry Secombe) believes he is "Bats of the Yard". The Professor (Michael Bentine) has secret formula for "bicarbonate bomb" which combines "tear gas and laughing gas into condensed form". Major Denis Bloodnok (Peter Sellers) and Private Eccles (Spike Milligan) know spies lurk in military base woodwork. "If you're talking to yourself, don't. And if you're talking to me, shut up!"
Directed by Maclean Rogers, written by Jimmy Grafton and Francis Charles. Also known as “Down Among the Z-Men”, this whacked-out comedy mixes musical review with quick quips, including great routine using broken chair back as visual aid depicting rise and fall of western civilization. "I'm bats." "So am I, but I'm getting over it." (British)
* * *
scoundrel Ian Carmichael disdains Terry-Thomas attending Janette Scott
School for Scoundrels or How to Win Without Actually Cheating(1959)
"It's too complicated to explain. I mean, either you know or you don't." Henry Palfrey (Ian Carmichael) believes he's "a failure", particularly in matters of heart involving "a not quite blonde"young lady, April Smith (Janette Scott). "Oh to be in England, now that April's here!
Unfortunately, Henry's Old Chippentonian Tennis Club chum Raymond Delauney (Terry-Thomas) has loose lips and fast car. Henry doesn't, so Raymond snakes his date. "Tricks, ploys ... what difference does it make?"
Dejected Henry enrolls in "College of Lifemanship" where Principal S. Potter (Alastair Sim) teaches him "Wo-Manship" or "the art of being one-up on women without actually marrying them."
Directed by Robert Hamer; screenplay by Patricia Moyes and Hal E. Chester based on novel by Stephen Potter. Hamer's pre-Free Love satire has its moments with "The Winsome Welshmen" and their "Swift-mobile", but lacks luster overall. "He who is not one-up is one-down." (British)
* * *
Ian Holm and his Christmas geese drive a hard bargain
Singleton's Pluck (1984)
"Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat...only this Christmas your Christmas goose could be a little thinner than usual." Frustrated by foxes, factory farms and fingers lost in plucking machines – not to mention England's transport and general workers strike, single-minded farmer Ben Singleton (Ian Holm) leads "protest march" of 500 yuletide geese from Norfolk to London's Smithfield Market.
"What do you want me to do, go skulking back to the college, lecturing others on humane animal husbandry when I know that I can't do it myself?" Daughter Emma (Stephanie Tagle) eagerly volunteers for driving team, while wife Alice (Penelope Wilton) and hired hands Amos (Bill Owen) and Hubert (Richard Hope) reluctantly join hundred-mile walk.
Eventually, so do motorbike skinheads and knucklehead tv news crew which tries to frame him as freak holiday feature. "It matters not to me whether they're geese or biscuits, Mr. Singleton."
Directed by Richard Eyre, written by Brian Glover. Big sky music makes Singleton's Norfolk-Suffolk-Essex trek feel like "western" inspired by Hawks' Red River. Also known as Laughterhouse. "The unspeakable in pursuit of the uneatable." "We could all be vegetarians." (British)
* * *
nurse Emma Thompson sees no point in ten costly dinners
The Tall Guy (1990)
"You know actors, we live in hope. Like maybe some big director's gonna come to the show tomorrow and say: Hey that guy in the skirt, that's our Macbeth!" Yank actor Dexter King (terrific Jeff Goldblum), aka "Mr. Crazy himself", sleeps in Superman pajamas and goes to work in tutu. "There I am: long legs, tiny paycheck."
In Lyric Theatre's smash hit "The Rubber Face Review", Dexter plays trusty sidekick to star Ron Anderson (Rowan Atkinson), "a nice, modest individual" who "uses the Queen and her kin as a sexual lubricant".
For Dexter, London's West End seems one big dead end until he meets eccentric Royal Free Hospital nurse Kate Lemon (Emma Thompson). Kate believes "it's much better to go to bed with the person on the first date to get it out of the way. There's no point in us having ten expensive dinners if I already know I like you."
Love ripens for Kate and Dexter until he lands lead role in Royal Shakespeare Company's musical version of "The Elephant Man". "Well it's happening. I'm going to spend the rest of my life pretending to be an elephant and sharing my bed with a small, squeaky pig."
Directed by Mel Smith, written by Richard Curtis whose witty script thrives on Madness, "the smell of the greasy paint", tap-dancing elephants, Carmen the lusty landlady and "psycho-nasal therapy" (see True Identity). "Men fall into two categories: spineless wimps or bastards. The bastards always get the girls." (British)
* * *
nervous Bernard Cribbins consorts with street rival “Pearly” Peter Sellers
The Wrong Arm of the Law (1963)
"They shipped enough crooks out to Australia, it's about time they had a few back here." Bond Street couturier and by-the-book mob-boss Pearly Gates (Peter Sellers) enjoys "the usual vulgar display of wealth"but gets stung so often by Australian IPO mob, that he's compelled to join forces with rival gang of Nervous O'Toole (Bernard Cribbins). "My whole world's crumbling about me, that's what it is. Even the coppers are turned crooked. I can't tell one from the other anymore."
“Sloshin’ a bogey in the execution of his duty? Oh dear, dear, dear.” Crime isn't only victim of this foreign menace; Punishment takes its lumps as well. Finally, Scotland Yard inspector Fred "Nosey"Parker (Lionel Jeffries) is forced to see the light. "We must put this IPO outfit away...before the entire criminal and police structure of the country breaks down."
“I made 168 thousand nicker selling frocks last year – gowns, I mean.” “Well, if that isn’t crooked, I’d like to know what is.” Trade-union negotiation between crooks and cops on Battersea Fun Fair merry-go-round results in 24-hour cease fire. "This has gotta stop. I can't afford it." No one suspects Snitch Valerie (Nanette Newman), but everyone knows: "You gotta find your cat before you can skin it."
“I must admit, the idea of a load of bogeys going round in circles did appeal to me, yeah.” Directed by Cliff Owen; written by John Warren, Lew Heath, Ray Galton, Alan Simpson and John Antrobus.“Fancy having a meeting on a thing like this!” (British)
* * *
Michael Caine and Nanette Newman transport John Mills
The Wrong Box (1966)
"Death cannot be assumed simply because signs of life are not present." Finsbury family fortune remains locked in tontine annuity, "a lottery plain and simple", which has grown to £111,000, all retained for final survivor of twenty eligible offspring.
Two last surviving brothers have not spoken in forty years, although now next-door neighbors in Victorian Regent's Park. Joseph (Ralph Richardson) is robust talking encyclopedia while infirm Masterman (John Mills) believes "if one cannot join the ruling classes, one must do one's best to deplete them".
Contending to inherit Finsbury largess are four orphan "cousins". Morris (Peter Cook) and John (Dudley Moore) plot with Doctor Pratt (Peter Sellers) for premature death certificate. "What's left of him is very dead indeed."
Cousin Michael (Michael Caine) suppresses "a burning desire to nod through the window" at lovely cousin Julia (Nanette Newman). "Julia, we are both old enough to know what kisses lead to. And if I may be blunt, our children would be idiots."
Directed by Bryan Forbes; screenplay by Larry Gelbart and Burt Shevelove based on novel by Robert Louis Stevenson and Lloyd Osbourne. As this fanciful fateful farce gallops toward graveyard, everyone packs more than one wrong box – piano, wine barrel, statue crate, two caskets and one stuffed booty box – and no one truly accounts for elusive Bournemouth Strangler. "My grandfather is dying. It's nothing serious, he's been dying for years." (British)
* * *
Peter Cook over-his-head as Prime Minister Capt. Hook
Whoops Apocalypse (1986)
“This evening’s weeny roast and barbecue has been cancelled due to an avalanche.” British Central American colony of Santa Maya resists territorial spats with neighboring Maguadora, pop. 750. “Where is the sanity in vaporizing millions of totally innocent people?” “Well, it shut Japan up, didn’t it?”
“He is charged with over forty acts of terrorism, including three assassinations and the recipe for airline food.” Quick-change terrorist Lacrobat (Michael Richards) plays novelty toy salesman, window washer, doctor, magician, etc. to kidnap Her Royal Princess Wendy (Joanne Pearce) and set in motion international nuclear countdown. “How do you explain the fact that he has just set up an anti-goblin unit to bait them with gingerbread traps?”
Loopy one-armed Prime Minister Sir Mortimer Chris (Peter Cook) thinks parasols repel radiation: "We in this Conservative government have always believed that it is totally immoral to waste billions of pounds on nuclear bombs that are never used." Caught in middle is Barbara Adams (Loretta Swit) "...shrewd, sensible, compassionate, scrupulously honest – she has overcome all of these handicaps to become (the first female) President of United States".
“You can’t show you’re resolute without showing you are strong. And you can’t show you’re strong without blowing people up.” Directed by Tom Bussmann; written by Andrew Marshall and David Renwick. Wannabe Strangelove ultimately gags on its own cleverness in heavy Falklands-Granada lampoon. “I guess we just sit tight now and pray he doesn’t do anything rash.” (British)
* * *
Michael Caine leads The Singing Rebels in colonial backwater
Water (1985)
"You call Rope Soup a culture?" On Cascara, another British backwater Caribbean colony, "almost the entire population is descended from shipwreck victims" whose national anthem includes breaststrokes and backstrokes. “Gentlemen? We’re in the water business.”
Hardly a sterling station for feisty diplomat's wife Dolores Thwaits (Brenda Vaccaro) who "misses the bright lights of Guatemala City". But cozy island suits Gov. Baxter Thwaits (Michael Caine) just fine -- until Spenco Oil of Houston strikes it rich in old dry well, and two-man Cascara Liberation Front ("The Singing Rebels") finds fast friends in Whitehall. “Under British law, singing badly is not a crime.”
“The Special Air Service has already been dispatched, willing to demonstrate the gratuitous violence and mayhem for which they are so rightly famous.” But revolution is compounded by Cuban commandos, US Marines, British Special Air Service, French mercenaries and environmentalist Pamela Weintraub (Valerie Perrine) who wants to save endangered Long-Eared Horseshoe B at. “I couldn’t think of anything to rhyme with bomb.”
“There was only one Gandhi. One anorexic little looney in a loin cloth and we lost an entire subcontinent.” Directed by Dick Clement; written by Clement, Ian La Frenais and Bill Persky. "Fidel says Cuba will shed blood for revolution of downtrodden people anywhere. But you people are too downtrodden, even for Cuba." (British)
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